Synchronized Kleptomania

I brought it on myself. On Friday the student who managed to steal the dry eraser markers from my fleece pocket and put them in my hood complained because someone put paper balls in his hoody. I told him it was payback, the class had a laugh, and we kept going with our lesson.

The problem arose when the majority of the class, who did not know about their classmate’s pickpocket achievement, started to scheme. When collectively focused on a single task, I fully believe my students have the ability to solve the American national debt crisis, eradicate worldwide illiteracy, or detail a step-by-step process for colonizing mars in a color-coded, cross disciplinary, alien culture sensitive plan.

Unfortunately for humanity, the students only really come together to pool their deeply creative genius for one purpose: to prank their gullible English teacher.

The reference on Friday got them strategizing, and they put their plan into action today.

Completely obvious, I gathered my grammar book, literature book, grade book, notepad, dry erase markets, red pen (for grading), blue pen (for writing names since writing names in red ink is taboo in China), office keys, “Mad Bluebird” thermos with cold water, and my camera and headed for class.

Their plan wouldn’t have been as successful if I didn’t take my camera. Since I was taking pictures of all the students individually for a creative project we are developing, I didn’t keep my eye on my supplies as well as I should have.

As an ode to earlier, the first item that went missing was the dry erase markers. After retrieving them from a giggling student, I turned around to find the eraser gone. Students like to throw the board erasers behind the air conditioner unit. As I was checking behind the Aircon, the eraser magically reappeared on my desk.

I went to point out something in the literature book and found it gone. The book weights twenty pounds so how did they get it off my desk so stealthily! I checked with the hoody culprit. He just chuckled deviously and held up his empty hands. The front row was also clean. Somehow the book made it all the way to the back of the room.

After fetching the book, I went back to the front of the room and reached for my bird cup, but the thermos wasn’t there. My camera bag popped up before I realized the case was missing except instead of the camera on the inside, I found an IOU.

The students then launched Phrase II. “Are you missing something?” asked the kid who cried when he got a ‘C’ on his math test.

“Is this your pen?” said the student who begged for a copy of the Bill of Rights even though I told her it wasn’t going to be on the test.

They were all in on it!

I thought I was in the clear when the jokester class left and my next English class entered until the Taiwanese student who will either be a famous comedic actor or an infamous bank robber approached me with a solemn face. He stuck his arm out in front of me with my keys dangling from his fist.

One of my officemates had been in the office been periods so I never realized that I didn’t haven’t my keys. The students had handed them off in the hallway during the break.

That means I was facing a cross class prank!

Of course, the second class wasn’t as gifted of thieves. One of the tifecta didn’t realize that my thermos actually had water in it. When she passed it over her head, she turned it upside down and was drenched.

This effort of theirs completely upstages their April Fool’s Day joke when they slowly but uniformly moved their desk forward until I was squashed against the dry erase board.

I’ll have the final laugh though. The pictures I took today are for a presentation I’m showing both classes. I took about five pictures of each student, and I’m going to use the goofiest, most awkward picture of each of the mini miscreants.

Hehe hehe he…